Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I intend to get homeless drunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
