It's Friday. Sex?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
