i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
