I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
