4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
