please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
