HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
