What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
