A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
