Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
