I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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