phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
