he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
