We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
