a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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