Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
