Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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