when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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