soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
