Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
