this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
