singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
