Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
