you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
