I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
