Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
