i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
