Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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