And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
