ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
