I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
