Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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