Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
