she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize