Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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