Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize