Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
