Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
