this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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