i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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