I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
