I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
