You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
