I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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