I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
