you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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