Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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