she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
