that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
