I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Randomize
