i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love you. Go after that dick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
