and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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