Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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