When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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