I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
