you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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