why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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