is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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