if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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