I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
