So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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