the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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