I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
