This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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