If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>