honey bunches of taint.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
