I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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