We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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