Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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