I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
