i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
