he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
