I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
