i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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