I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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