Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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