I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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