Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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