Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
