Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
