i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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