I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
